Sunday, June 27, 2004

In the Beginning...

[Listening to: Bauhaus - Stigmata]
[Current Mood: Aware]

In the Beginning... there was a journal service. In an attempt to find a service that may be stable enough to last more than two weeks as well as create some form of regular feedback, I've come here. I may not stay, we'll see.

Saw Fahrenheit 9/11 today. I must say that it's a film that reminds me that I'm very selfish not to care obout these issues before. A conversation I had with my friends after the movie revealed that I'm self-absorbed and only care about what's going on with me. They didn't say this about me... I said this about myself.

For the past few years I've tried my hardest not to watch the big network news, or local news. It's all the same shit. First they'll talk about Iraq. Then they'll go down the list... there was a murder, there was a fire, there was a rape, some study revealed some form of food that we've been eating for centuries can now kill us, then weather, sports, and that's it.

Big network news is worse.

I want to know what's going on in the world, but I don't want the fear inducing, terror alerting shit that FOXNews puts out.

So, where do I get my news? Where do I get JUST THE FACTS?

Comedian David Cross mentioned going on the Guardian UK website. In the Fahrenheit 9/11 film, Moore shows an article the BBCNews website carried on a Taliban visit to Texas back in the 90s. Why do I have to go to other countrie's websites to find a just-the-facts news report?

Am I going to be more political? Probably not. I'll make an effort to be more aware of the news, though. I'm tired of purposly ignoring what's going on.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Eight O'Clock

[Mood - Sad]
[Music - Faith & The Muse - Elyra]

There's a fine line between learning a lesson and living one.

Raquel's aunt passed away tonight surrounded by friends and family. It's a sad thing to think about when you consider the people involved. They spent these past few months helping to make her life comfortable. I wouldn't expect anything less from that family. They loved their sister and showed it.

Now is my time to be the person Raquel needs. I need to set myself aside for her and her family. This is the first time she's had to go through something like this, and she's being very strong. I knew she would be strong about this.

Going through this experience this time around, I've realized that I shouldn't compain so much, and be so negative all the time. I shouldn't let stupid shit bother me, and focus on real problems. Focus on issues that MATTER.

Will I stay true to these things? Time will tell. For now, I'm satisfied with realizing these things.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Shade: The Changing Man

[ mood | Okay ]
[ music | The Dreaming - Thank You ]

The First Day of Summer

I remember when summer started in early June, the last day of school. It was freedom. Free from books, free from teacher's dirty looks. Free from thought control.

I'll stop being corny.

Anyway, I've lost that feeling of freedom. Perhaps I will get a chance to regain that feeling once I have more free time. I'll add it to the list of things I'll be doing throughout the summer.

I made two cards for Raquel tonight. I just reminded her that I'm there for her during her family's time of need. She's never had to deal with losing someone before. I lost three close family members over the years, and I know from experience that it's an unfortunate part of life, and it may sound cliche, but time does help in dealing with it.

It seems strange to think of something all the time when you never gave it a second thought before. Cancer runs on both sides of my family. My aunt died of cancer when she was 22. My uncle had cancer, and beat it.

There are times where I don't really know what to feel. All of those things just swirl through my mind every time I'm in or near that house, or when Raquel talks to me about it. I just know, she's going to need me these next few weeks.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Strangers in Literary Paradise

[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Claire Voyant - Love the Giver ]

I'm at Borders yesterday, in the art section when this woman comes up to me and starts talking.

She was in her mid 30s, and had a heavy accent. She asked me if I was in art school, and I told her the status of my design career. She said her husband used to be a designer, but is now in health care. She goes on about how they moved to this country from Mexico City, and now she works as a beauty consultant or something.

I'm very untrusting of strangers. I always think that if someone comes up to me and just starts talking... that means somethings up. I was being friendly responding, but I couldn't pinpoint why she was talking to ME.

Out of nowhere, this guy sitting in the only chair in the art section turns around and asks her what she thought of his hair. He looked like he was in his mid-20s, and he's going on about his hair and skin... but he's also asking me for my opinion on his fucking hair and skin.

He then starts asking her how long her and her husband have been living in the Valley, and how Allentown hates artists, and how bad racism is the further out into the countryside you go. He goes on about how he's Jewish, and how minorities have a bad rep in the Valley. She responds with an observation on how many people in this country don't realize how good they have it, compared to what she grew up with in Mexico City.

The guy starts talking bad about Bush (which I don't give a shit about), but at this point the woman is a bit creeped out by this guy. She politely excuses herself and leaves the section.

I silently thanked the guy for getting her off my back, but I really wasn't interested in talking with him. So, after a minute or two, I politely excuse myself and head over to the sociology section.

A few minutes later...that woman comes around. "What was that all about? I didn't understand anything he was talking about." She said, and I laughed and shrugged.

Then she goes into it... "My husband and I also help people build businesses on the web. We help people make more income by training them to run their own business online. With the way the economy is today, and job security not so secure anymore, this would be a good opportunity for you."

Would it now? Let's see... I'll invest my valuable time to you (someone I don't know) and probably have to invest money (that I don't have) into something I know nothing about (and have no interest in). You know, I wish this opportunity would've came to me BEFORE I decided to work two jobs.

I politely declined her offer, and she actually left me alone.

All I wanted to do was a little research. It's not often that I meet new people, but why do they have to try to get something out of me?